are you so shy because you have an std?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
