R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
