He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So much Jack, so little girl.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
