I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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