Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You smell like a Billy Joel song
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i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
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I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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