oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
