i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
