also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
