The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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