Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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