is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
