I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
