gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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