It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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