I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
