my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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