so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
