Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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