Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
