It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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