Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
