She announced her abortion via fbk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
