Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
