new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i think i just naturally attract stoners
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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