the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
