So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
