No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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