My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
