farters have to be the big spoon...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
