i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I could make wine with my vomit
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
