How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
