Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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