I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
