i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
