I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
