My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
