You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
