I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
