I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
