I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
