It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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