man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
