Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
