My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
