I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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