it hurts more in the daytime
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
