I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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