Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
did you just send me my own nude
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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