she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize