dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
