It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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