**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
