Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
