It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's just like the Real World with babies
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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